Young wives were panicking; their husbands were beginning to relax. It seems the Zoom classes for the women were suspended because my wife was admitted in the hospital. They were all registered for a course on “The Basics of best Nagging Practices” and as you might have guessed, my wife was the resource person.
Now you might ask how my wife came to be an expert in the subject. It is a long story that goes back to the deluge.
As a student, she was very good and always excelled in academics. After her graduation from the WCC (where else?), she wanted to study further. Female relatives who were married (and experienced) recommended the prestigious “Naamah’s Advanced Goading and Nagging Institute” popularly known by its stylish acronym NAG-NI as being most suitable for an aspiring wife. It was said to be the institute of choice for young brides the world over wanting to do higher studies in deeper nagging.
If you are well acquainted with this form of torture, my guess is that your wife is an alumna as mine is. What is more my wife even won the gold medal as the best outgoing student in her class. I told you, she excels!
Good for her, not so good for me!
I guess you are curious about the “Naamah’s Advanced Goading and Nagging Institute“, since you probably haven’t come across any brochure. Let me give you a background.
If you know your Bible, you will recall that Noah and family were shut in the Ark for a long, long time with animals of every hue. But as always, the trouble started not with the beasts, birds and reptiles but with the homo-sapiens.
Initially the three young wives (aged 200, 175, 150 I imagine!) of Shem, Ham and Japheth thought it was going to be a jolly cruise around the world- fun. The damsels quite enjoyed it all in the beginning. Then, the ark-work began to weigh them down. The realization dawned on them slowly that there were no maids to help them.
Gran’Pa Noah, sitting in his easy chair and reading the Ark Times brought out by his sons could hear a chorus which initially sounded like ‘California dreamin’. But upon listening closely, he could make out that the words were rather different and somewhat topical:
All the maids are gone ( all the maids are drowned)
And the sky is grey (oh so grey)
I’ve been for a walk (on the lonely deck)
On such a rainy day (it is every day)
I’d be safe and warm (nice and warm)
If I was in bunk (the stupid bunk)
Sunny day I’m dreamin’ (bright and clear)
On such a rainy day
If all the maids are gone, it meant all the work was to be done by the trio!
Just look at them! Do they look like your average sweeping, swobbing, dishes type? Methinks they look kind of voguish, as though they’ve just stepped down from the catwalk in Milan! And you are expecting them to wield the lowly broom (துடைப்ப கட்டை )? Come on, ஐந்தில் வளையாதது நூற்று ஐம்பதில் எப்படி வளையும்? I say, Shem, Ham and Japheth might have had taste in choosing their life partners, but they reckoned without life in the Ark, with all its rigours.
But you should regard the mother-in-law, Mrs. Noah standing there in supervision with hands akimbo and giving a withering look
You’d better watch your step, Ladies!
Upon espying their mother in this mood, the three husbands quickly skedaddled and hid themselves in the lowest deck under the hay! Well, for some time, the three women tried to make it somewhat sufferable with some Pilates music and Jane Fonda routine. But day in and day out without a break – no way! It wasn’t long before they lifted up the banner of revolt. Simultaneously striking work, they left Mrs. Noah to handle all the arkhold labour by herself. And she wasn’t amused. Try feeding the elephants or watering the camels single handed!
But you don’t have to feel sorry for the Lady of the Ark. She was a formidable woman alright. With her hands trained at the grinding wheel daily – idlis for eight everyday day in day out, week after month after month (as for the total number of idlis , you can do your math for 52 weeks) – she was built like a female wrestler (take another look at her pic)! And she was no slouch with barbed repartee either. If her daughters-in-law annoy her one way, she was in return capable of irritating them one hundred ways.
I’ve thrown enough hints for you to guess her given name by now. The Bible does not give it; however, according to Jewish tradition her name is Naamah – the sister of Tubal-cain, a descendant of Cain, the son of Adam and Eve (see Genesis 4:22) .And she was the first to practise and perfect the technique of nagging, quite in contravention to her name, which supposedly means ‘the pleasant one’. But that is neither here nor there.
Full of pent up fury and anger from her bouts with her daughters-in-law all day, she got it out on poor old Noah every night: “When is this dreadful rain going to stop?”, “Whose great idea was this Ark?”, “Are you sure God really spoke to you?”, “Why on earth did you have to bring these stupid animals on board”, “Can’t you command your dainty daughters-in-law to help me?” so on and so forth. And from time to time, it got physical! (I told you she was the muscular kind) And much as the hapless Noah tried to defend himself with pillows, she managed to pummel him nightly, out of her frustrations!
I think it’s no happenstance that the Bible records that the first to come out of the Ark was Noah. Can you blame him? If you find it hard to believe coming from me, just check your Bible (Genesis 8:18). Look our man is bolting out of the door!
Quite zippy for a 601 year old, what!
Now, it’s my turn to vamoose. After seven days, my wife is returning from the hospital today!
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Annan glad to read a positive comment about Pearl akka.
But i need a clarification
with regard to the pic of Noah’s daughter’s in law.
Is this a pic when they were in the ark or taken when they were young.
Taken by Noah. Inside the Ark!